CNY; 2011

It's chinese new year.
Every year without fail,
it is a festive occasion that the chinese celebrates.
For me,
yes, i do celebrate~
but more of collecting red packets & house visiting,
not much of preparation. (:

I had reunion dinner twice,
one paternal's side,
another maternal's side.
Went to like only my family & relative house to pay visit.
Didnt go to any friend house to do visiting.
Sighs..
This year new year is kinda boring for me,
& not a very enjoyable one at that.
Hmms...

Besides that, this year's 2nd day of CNY,
falls on the same day as the 7th monthsary of me & boyf.
But... it's just like any normal day.
It is always me who surprises him that day.
When will it be my turn to receive a surprise from him?
The surprise that i receive,
is the same throughout these months.
And it's no longer a surprise to me,
it's like a routine.
So, should i be happy or be sad?
I dont even know the answer myself anymore.
There is just too much uncertainties.
Trust is still there,
but...
the feelings has turned dull.
The feelings are still lingering here within though.
Here i am,
still holding on,
still pinning hopes on this relationship.
But on ur side,
i dont know if you still feel the effort that i'm putting in,
or is it just merely taken for granted that you deserve to be given a chance,
not once,
not twice,
but from time to time.
Last,
no more than that,
because i'm really tired.
I dont want myself to get hurt again.
Even if until then,
i still love you as much,
i will let you go no matter how heart wrenching it may be for me,
i love you,
that's why i let you go,
that's why i go away.
If you're gonna hate me,
or feel that i'm selfish,
then it's alright with me,
i've given all i could in this relationship,
& i have no regrets at all,
be it now or in the future.
Happy 7th monthsary.
Am i really happy?
I hide my emotions with a smile,
i laughed it off to make myself feel better.

In just another day time,
attachment is gonna start again,
i'm gonna prove to those who think i cannot make it through this time round,
those who despise me,
those who bitch behind my back,
those who laugh at me,
i will prove to them that i can make it through,
& let's see who has the last laugh at the end of the day.

That all for now.
Adios.