The most beautiful smile, is the smile that struggles through the tears.




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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

While everyone's reflecting the days that had gone by,
penning down their new year resolution,
I've my fingers on the keyboard,
having my brain cells fried thinking of my resolution.
It's no wonder they call brainstorm;
a severe mental disturbance, I'm disturbed.
my fingers remained stationary . . .
I went back to my past entries;
This year, I resolved not to write one as it's futile.
At least for me. I've never achieved what I've intended.
If need be, then my 2011's resolution will be the same
as my 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007 . . . if someone would get my drift.

2010 was a year of uncertainties, ambiguity,
fretfulness, incertitude, adjustments,
resentments, appeasement and resignation.. . .
These words concluded an unkind year.
Wow! Yah, I'm self-exclaiming too.
I must be the most ungrateful being you'll say.
Well of course not of all bad news.
I do have good days to celebrate and give thanks.
On bad days, i cuss & cry in all kind
Underneath all the bravado, I'm just a vulnerable wisp.
On good days I walked on air,
I felt the whole world
at my feet,
I felt my heart expand in warmth
& I smiled genially upon the world.
This is the extremes of my jollity and wretchedness.
This is also part of the reason for me being withdrawn.


Today is our 6th month being together...
time really passes real fast,
in just a blink of an eye it's already 6 mths!
Gosh!
Sometimes,
I get so consumed by unhappiness that
I forgot to look around me & apprehend that
the whole world doesn’t stop and suffer with me.
With time, I learned that I don't have to fight the tug
of rolling inertia, & that I should move along.
Somehow,
i feel so void within me.
I wonder what's wrong..
The feeling's too mutual,
so mutual to the extent that it feels so empty all of a sudden.
Oh well,
my thoughts are running wild once again.
But somehow i feel that there's a load on me~
i just can't seem to get it off my back,
it's kinda suffocating.
All along,
i've been wanting to ask him this,
but i don't know why i just cant seem to open my god damned mouth to ask.
Silence; i shall remain so.

Happy 6th monthsary.
♥♥♥

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