When i get the shivers...

Hey there, same old brand new me.

I barely write here anymore.
If you're still reading, here i am, again.
I do apologize for the sombrous me.
But i don't know who i can confide in.

Life, have been challenging.
It disturbs my physiological equilibrium.
The physical, mental, and emotional strain gave me pounding headache.
I am so worn out, so enervated.

I reminisced on younger days.
Life was carefree and untroubled, it was healthy.
When you’re young, you think everything you do is disposable.
You move from now to now,
crumpling time up in your hands, tossing it away.
Those days were taken for granted . . . It's too late to regret.

The older I am, the more apprehensive I get.
I'm constantly worrying about this or thinking about that.
There are just so many issues and problems,
and that nagging pain that comes along with it, drives me nut.
I'm in this sticky predicament, like being trapped in a quicksand,
such that the more u struggle, the faster u die.
I know that i have been getting increasingly depressed,
and I also understand that no one could tell anyway, which is good,
lest i spoil the moods of people around me.

I want to get my mind off bad thoughts, think happy.
I yearn to huddle under the comforts of quilts and have a restful sleep.
To have at least 8 hours of sleep is an extravagant.

It was so long ago i planned for something,
I don't have the heart and the zest anymore.
I just want to stay home all day and just do nothing.
Having nothing to do and think about is lavishment.
Like today~

Well, now that everyone as commitments
and partners to occupy themselves with.
I'm left with my own self-time.
Which is good. I'm beginning to love being alone.
No sour feelings at all this time.
I don't feel hurt not being called to go for movies, outings and such.
I mean, the before me would probably feel the punch of being neglected.
But it's all cool now. I just need to know I'm still loved by you, and I'm satisfied.

I'm no tiny woman nor am i weak.
Yes, the harsh and weight of life might be too much to shoulder.
Though I whine, and I cry, but I know I'm blessed too.

I'm still me, though not as vivacious and cheerful.